Author: phenomejmarie

About phenomejmarie

I am a lover of life! Passionate about ... Self Love Youth development Spirituality Entrepreneurship Holistic wellness Philosophy I do my best to inspire, with a desire to motivate, for the purpose of continuous reinvention of self.

Dream Boards are WACK

My 2012 Vision Boardvision board

If your like me, I was in LOVE with dream boards before I realized they were only part of the process. In order to make a dream reality, we must set goals!

Goals are essentially an action plan to make your dreams come true

I learned this from Ms. Shanell cooper Sykes on her AMAZING “Secrets of Dreamer” 7 day journey. Let her tell you in her own words why exactly vision boards are useless!!!! 

Here are some pics of my F.O.C.U.S board ….make your own so you can Follow On Course Until Successful 🙂


My Focus board is on top of my 2012 vision board in my room to remind me every morning and night to stay focused!

 Feel free to ask me details about my board or help getting started with your own

“Bag Lady”


Life Baggage: As a metaphorical image, it is that of carrying all the disappointments, wrongs, and trauma of the past around with one in a heavy load

* This part of the journey requires complete honesty, a willingness to dig deep and  possibly a trusted friend (other than your partner or spouse) or therapist/counselor.

Acknowledge the feelings: What experiences have caused us pain, hurt you and or left us emotionally and or mentally bruised? Many of our issues are often from our child hood.  Use the example from this  Emotional wellness past post to help with this process

  •  Abused
  • Neglected
  • Abandoned
  • Dishonest
  • Shamed
  • Guilty

Face Issues: Examine how our baggage has manifested in our life.

  • Is our temper a danger to urself or others
  • Trust issues, do we have unhealthy relationships
  • Addictions, drugs, shopping, attention

Change the value: When we put importance on something we give it value. By placing value on how we can grow and better ourself from the baggage instead of focusing on the baggage itself,  then it becomes a powerful tool in freeing ourself. (Part of this requires us to stop telling the same story that caused us baggage over and over again)

  •  A reminder of how I will never be treated again
  • Motivation to do something positive
  • Appreciation for making it through
  • Admiration for resilience

FOGIVE: It is crucial that you reach a point where you can truly let go of the hurt that you have experienced. “No matter how violent it was, how deep it was, how prolonged it was, no matter how much affect there’s been on your life, if you do not extend forgiveness, you are the person stuck with the bitterness and revenge,”  Letting go is not easy and a person may not deserve it and may not even ask for it, but you should extend forgiveness because of what it will do for you.” this includes forgiving yourself if needed.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”



Life Balance…or lack there of!

wellness collage

Wellness = Life balance: Taking care of the Mind, Body and Spirit in a healthy and balanced way

Task: Create your own wellness wheel and see how balanced or not your current life is. No judgments just assessments

  • How much time do I spend with friends family

  • How much time do I spend on Facebook

  • How much time do I spend working

  • How much time do I use to nurture my talents

  • How much time do I spend talking to “God”

  • How am I about trying new things

  • How much time have I spent trying to heal, do I focus on the hurt more then the desire to be healed?

Purpose: We will use the wellness wheel as a visual representation to help us access our current life balance breakdown …My example is kinda bootleg but you get the point 🙂 Look back at this post for more details “The Pursuit of Happy-ness


Tools: Something to create your personal wellness wheel with. Computer, pen, paper, markers, whatever!

The Journey: Reflection


Self Reflection: Internal examination

Task: Find a quite space, set the mood so that you can center your energy (candles, lighting, music) and answer the following questions honestly, for your self!

Purpose:  Access your current state…where you are right now, at the beginning of your love journey

Tools: something to document your answers





In my struggle to choose between talking care of my hair (which has been seriously neglected) or doing the  “30 day challenge”, I realized that  The Natural Hair Journey is very similar to the Self-Love Journey :0

Both Journeys Require

  • Being ready…Researching to know what y0u’r getting into
  • Making a commitment…Making sure your in it for the long haul
  • Investing daily time…Turning daily care into a lifestyle, not a task
  • Being patient with the process…Patience is a virtue
  • Taking care of YOU….The ultimate goal

Enjoy a glimps into my Natural Hair & Self- Love Journey!

The key to both is that it’s a UNIQUE journey…For anyone interested in the Natural Hair journey …lets support, encourage and share with one another on the FB group for the purpose of the common goal, but understand and appreciate that the journey is our own.




Self love journey

In the words of my girl India “Life is a journey not a destination” 

I last shared about how my “30 Day Self love Challenge ”  was starting to contradict its purpose of obtaining wellness…(balance) to my life! So I did some reflecting and the result manifested “The Journey”

The Journey

 Everyday I will send you a video explaining the next step in the journey. This will provide you with enough options to know what works for you!


1:What is Self- love

2 : Reflect on the current you

3. Assessing your current and ideal life balance

4 : Analyze your life baggage

5. My God


5.Make an action map “A goal is a dreams with an action plan”

6. Baggage to blessings

6.Our language

7. Values and Beliefs

8: Practice Accountability


9. Practice gratefulness (Spiritual tools)

10. Pay attention (Purpose tools 110)

11. Affirm yourself: (Daily mantras)

12. Reflection on process (Share thoughts from the journey)

13. *FOCUS Plan*

The Journey: Guidelines 

  1. You can start at any time (If you join on late just look at old videos and go at your own pace)
  2. Ask for help if you don’t understand something,
  3. Pay attention to what resonates with  you and what dosent…question why?
  4. If  for whatever catastrophic reason you  miss a day or just cant complete a day,  continue on the journey
  5. Adapt the journey to your lifestyle

“Memories Back Then”

Commin back from  horseback ridding with 20 plus church kids yesterday, I felt both tired and youthful!


All I wanted to do when I got home was watch a movie and relax…I thought about watching my fav coming of age storyGrease” but decided to check out Netflix instead. I ended up watching two rights of passage movies by chance.

The first was “lol” and the other was “Girl in progress


Both films took me back to my high-school days and made me a lil grateful to be past that confusing period in my life… but It also made me feel for my youngness who are in the midst of that very intense, important and impact-full time.  

The Problem 

I believe were in a day in age where especially young black girls aren’t able to fully experience and grow from this time because they have too many adult issues that they are dealing with….This often seems to be the manifestation of their parents lacking the very thing they are depriving their children from (love, attention, stability, security, reassurance, support,…)

The Result

A family cycle that leads to a life long journey of trying to fill a void with temporary solutions. After the movie I was cleaning listening to to my pandora and this very relevant song came on and inspired this post.

*Explicit Context*

“Then one day I just asked her
“Why you always give your ass up?
I mean damn these hoes get paid
All you do is get laid, this shit don’t add up.”
She said, “Tip, all I wanna do is feel love
Even if I know it ain’t real love
Even if I know a n**** only finna hit it
And then never call back, I still f***” 

The Solution

Commit to knowing the-self and loving the-self …Easier said then done right??? Well from what I hear nothing worth having comes easy.

ARE YOU WORTH IT???  If so join me on the “Self -Love Journey“! 



Reflection 2: Stepping Back


Soooo um it seems as if my self-love (wellness) challenge is taking up more of my time then expected which is causing a lack of balance in my life. My issues is that I’m so passionate about this stuff that I allow it to take up the majority of my wellness wheel…which means other areas are being sacrificed. 



We cant have that now because it totally contradicts the point of it all! 


All this means is that some life adjustments need to be made is all. I will be reevaluating how I continue to share this process…The evidence of this is clear as I am posting Day 2 on day 3 shm…its all good though. This challenge is clearly needed lol and this is just proof that it is already working 🙂